Is a chore for me lately.
The first thing on my mind takes away from the sunrise outside my window. I dont even know what id do if i saw her in person. Ive gotta forgive myself first before that happens or else id fall in love again. Add this entry on the record as another skip, reset and keep rolling and try not to repeat the past anymore.

Austin. Please dont tempt me for the wrong reasons. Its a wound that could easily open back up once i see you again.

Current Mood: discontent

its like livejournal is an ok spot to speak your mind on whatever so im speaking. Im happy where im at and what i am doing, but im not happy with leaving what i used to know behind. Its a "shmorgesboard" of past memories, which i understand dont govern my future, but they are still important to me. I miss home. I miss my best friends. I dont miss sitting around and feeling my life pass me by, but that was just an itch that has already been scratched now. ive got a way larger sense of direction and motivation that wont leave my side now that i know.

I wasnt running away from Texas when i came to LA. i know no body thinks that i ran away, but im saying it anyways. So many new things ive learned that arent necessarily related to my career goals, but definitely related to holding my loved ones close for who they are....and not for what they may have said or done in their worry/confusion/anger/etc...... I know i care for my friends and thats all that matters. i hope this message is read because i wish i could say it face to face, but i cant. And i still feel this trip was necessary, if not just for finding direction, but to get me out of a daze. Now that the fog has passed its easier to see eye to eye with everyone and i want to catch up and pick up in a new chapter.

Ive finally gotten my fill of winging it. I'm picking up the pieces and moving forward without any worries of anothers' emotions over my own. I understand the weight involved in packing everyones worries into my own suitcase. And so with that being said Im becoming open to the expression of "I" and "My", so I can better embrace the concept of "We". Ive had enough of "You". From this day forth I vow to take take my opinion with a little less salt and a little more love. I deserve it. Please to whomever reads this, take it from me. Staring into the abyss of the unknown is only putting all that you know.....on pause, so make sure you keep moving forward and stop to appreciate the scenery. Rather than break your world apart trying to understand the faults in it.

My heart LITERALLY hurts, especially since im the only one to blame for my transgressions and hesitation.

Here's to you Enrique Uribe. You wont be forgotten, because you've left your misguided marks for long enough. You are perfect and need zero acceptance from others to enjoy whatever you do. Follow your heart and keep others from pulling out the worst in you because if that happens then you still have much to learn. I love you.

grow to attack without hesitation.
life waits for no one.
so make a move already.
say your goodbyes out loud,
stop dangling them around.
...fuck this is killing me.
grow to attack without hesitation
life waits for no one.
no regrets....
a word once uttered vanishes,
but their pain will ring clearly.
let it vanish,
no regrets.

great therapy.
no regrets.
new beginnings.
transformation, metamorphosis, heightened.
free.
love.

frustration.

Current Mood: frustrated

i know what needs to be done.
but i can choose a different path.
a path of higher knowledge and understanding.
im tired of weighing pros and cons.
whats right and whats wrong because they dont exist.
i hate tip-toe-ing everywhere in fear.
no more worries of what im doing is accepted.
at ease soldiers.
the battle-front is a figment of your imagination.

Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
Cheers darlin'
I've got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin'
You give me three cigarettes
To smoke my tears away

And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were running in the rains

What am I, darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover man
Cheers darlin'
I just hang around and eat from a can
Cheers darlin'
I got a ribbon of green on my guitar
Cheers darlin'
I got a beauty queen
To sit not very far from here

I die when he comes around
To take you home
I'm too shy, I should have kissed you
When we were alone

What am I, darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

What am I?
What am I, darlin'?
I got years to wait around for you


the risk i take is grave.

Current Music: damien rice- cheers darlin'

it helps me knowing there is a new beginning after all of this. i guess its good to talk to other people who understand sometimes. someone you could actually talk to and they actually listen. not many do that these days. all ive been getting are people who listen for a little bit, then go about their business without any sign of true interest. i love how people i dont even know very well help me more than the people around me. i need to get out more. meet new people and get a different perspective.

p.s. i didnt call u today, so as to not interrupt your fun night. hope it went well.

thank you.

u helped me today.

sorry to hear your troubles, they tower over mine.

i pray for your peace of mind.