The Constant Winter

Waking up

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 10:47:32 GMT

Is a chore for me lately.
The first thing on my mind takes away from the sunrise outside my window. I dont even know what id do if i saw her in person. Ive gotta forgive myself first before that happens or else id fall in love again. Add this entry on the record as another skip, reset and keep rolling and try not to repeat the past anymore.

Austin. Please dont tempt me for the wrong reasons. Its a wound that could easily open back up once i see you again.

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:00:00 GMT

its like livejournal is an ok spot to speak your mind on whatever so im speaking. Im happy where im at and what i am doing, but im not happy with leaving what i used to know behind. Its a "shmorgesboard" of past memories, which i understand dont govern my future, but they are still important to me. I miss home. I miss my best friends. I dont miss sitting around and feeling my life pass me by, but that was just an itch that has already been scratched now. ive got a way larger sense of direction and motivation that wont leave my side now that i know.

I wasnt running away from Texas when i came to LA. i know no body thinks that i ran away, but im saying it anyways. So many new things ive learned that arent necessarily related to my career goals, but definitely related to holding my loved ones close for who they are....and not for what they may have said or done in their worry/confusion/anger/etc...... I know i care for my friends and thats all that matters. i hope this message is read because i wish i could say it face to face, but i cant. And i still feel this trip was necessary, if not just for finding direction, but to get me out of a daze. Now that the fog has passed its easier to see eye to eye with everyone and i want to catch up and pick up in a new chapter.

Heres to you Enrique Uribe. You will be Remembered.

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 11:02:41 GMT

Ive finally gotten my fill of winging it. I'm picking up the pieces and moving forward without any worries of anothers' emotions over my own. I understand the weight involved in packing everyones worries into my own suitcase. And so with that being said Im becoming open to the expression of "I" and "My", so I can better embrace the concept of "We". Ive had enough of "You". From this day forth I vow to take take my opinion with a little less salt and a little more love. I deserve it. Please to whomever reads this, take it from me. Staring into the abyss of the unknown is only putting all that you know.....on pause, so make sure you keep moving forward and stop to appreciate the scenery. Rather than break your world apart trying to understand the faults in it.

My heart LITERALLY hurts, especially since im the only one to blame for my transgressions and hesitation.

Here's to you Enrique Uribe. You wont be forgotten, because you've left your misguided marks for long enough. You are perfect and need zero acceptance from others to enjoy whatever you do. Follow your heart and keep others from pulling out the worst in you because if that happens then you still have much to learn. I love you.

change.

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 09:04:02 GMT

grow to attack without hesitation.
life waits for no one.
so make a move already.
say your goodbyes out loud,
stop dangling them around.
...fuck this is killing me.
grow to attack without hesitation
life waits for no one.
no regrets....
a word once uttered vanishes,
but their pain will ring clearly.
let it vanish,
no regrets.

los angeles.

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 20:13:25 GMT

great therapy.
no regrets.
new beginnings.
transformation, metamorphosis, heightened.
free.
love.

one word emotion.

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 22:35:43 GMT

frustration.

take charge.

Sat, 30 Jun 2007 05:27:54 GMT

i know what needs to be done.
but i can choose a different path.
a path of higher knowledge and understanding.
im tired of weighing pros and cons.
whats right and whats wrong because they dont exist.
i hate tip-toe-ing everywhere in fear.
no more worries of what im doing is accepted.
at ease soldiers.
the battle-front is a figment of your imagination.

anthem of a widowed heart.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 21:39:06 GMT

Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover boy
Cheers darlin'
I got years to wait around for you
Cheers darlin'
I've got your wedding bells in my ear
Cheers darlin'
You give me three cigarettes
To smoke my tears away

And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were running in the rains

What am I, darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

Cheers darlin'
Here's to you and your lover man
Cheers darlin'
I just hang around and eat from a can
Cheers darlin'
I got a ribbon of green on my guitar
Cheers darlin'
I got a beauty queen
To sit not very far from here

I die when he comes around
To take you home
I'm too shy, I should have kissed you
When we were alone

What am I, darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

What am I?
What am I, darlin'?
I got years to wait around for you

the risk i take is grave.

appeased.

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 09:25:39 GMT

it helps me knowing there is a new beginning after all of this. i guess its good to talk to other people who understand sometimes. someone you could actually talk to and they actually listen. not many do that these days. all ive been getting are people who listen for a little bit, then go about their business without any sign of true interest. i love how people i dont even know very well help me more than the people around me. i need to get out more. meet new people and get a different perspective.

p.s. i didnt call u today, so as to not interrupt your fun night. hope it went well.

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 08:22:20 GMT

thank you.

u helped me today.

sorry to hear your troubles, they tower over mine.

i pray for your peace of mind.

fear.

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 21:26:00 GMT

my heart hurts and im out of breath.
everything looks so far away.
my hopes and dreams.
and even the things right in front of me.
im getting to be pretty low.
so low i cant imagine whats to come for me.
you win. ok?

how...

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 04:58:40 GMT

Am I gonna get out of this rut. U sleep in your tears while I lay in my emptiness. I'm a son of a bitch.

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 06:48:06 GMT

there are so many things right now that make me wanna yell at the top of my lungs. so many uncertainties in all aspects of my life right now. chilies is definately a good step forward for me, but im not sure if waiting tables again is what i want, but maybe its too early to tell and i need to let it ride a little longer.

and on a more important note, i dont have the energy it seems to take on any relationships right now, its just not fair to the girl, especially kristine. i just dont feel desirable or romantically motivated to do anything right now. and i dont get it. i care but its never gonna be enough right now. its just not where my head is at and its scary. who will be there?

there is no guarantee with music, but my high hopes push me through everything and ill try and try and try some more. we have potential.

thats my head at this very moment. when i read this in ten years ill hopefully be centered, in love, and doing what i love. thats all i ask for to fulfill my life.

FUUUUCK sigh

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 09:19:23 GMT

looking forward to havin the house to myself later on today. venting through noise is my escape. cant deal with all the fingers pointing today. selfish arrogant assumptuous hateful cold stupid idiot weird prideful ungrateful son of a bitch, if i hear any of these words i swear on my fucking life im gonna kill the nearest living thing. brink of tears and brink of destruction. its the time for my guitar to do the talking. exile seems like the only way right now. figures.

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 00:14:06 GMT

foot in mouth disease huh?
fuck.

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 07:32:27 GMT

Of All The Lions Guard...

"come on friends you cant beat trust."

im gonna go count my blessings again.
just to see where i stand,
so nothing will surprise me in the future.

abandoned.

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 22:32:00 GMT

why do people seem to hug their knees and shut their eyes to the people who care?
why do people convince themselves that they are alone when they are loved?
there is no need to hug your knees anymore, look up and see the crowd ready to hold you.

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 03:00:14 GMT

all ive got is my gut,
my morals, and my friends.
live your dreams inspired
by dreamers.

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 00:20:19 GMT

i carry these burdens
with the sand falling.
respect is all i have
in this sanctuary.
it is my right to keep
things sacred.
hold things true to myself
no matter who or what
gets in my way.
So make a choice
and come what may.

THIS SIDE OF ME!
IS MY STANDARD CREED!
FOCUS YOUR DREAMS!
AND THEN TAKE THE LEAD!

THIS SIDE OF ME!
(MAKE A CHOICE)
IS MY STANDARD CREED!
(COME WHAT MAY)
FOCUS YOUR DREAMS!
(HOLD, STAY TRUE)
AND TAKE THE LEAD!

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 05:36:18 GMT

i want to make right.
to swallow my pride for a future.
to hit the road without blood on my hands.
to love my life and love everyone in it.
im a very sensitive loving person.
it hurts.
im drowning.
do i have enough love to give?
do i have enough love to know when to neglect,
so i can continue to love?
it makes sense to me, but no sense at the same time...

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 14:45:29 GMT

im returning from the harsh nights of something true.
validating things that i never knew.
if some night you find a crack,
i wonder if you'd want me back.
these cracks were man-made and hold a ton of regret.
a short fuse burning from the untying of a corset.
what will the future hold and when will this end?
How can see yourself when there is no more time to lend?
lose the act because its one step away from prying
im beginning to think that we will faulter cuz of your lying.

i wont faulter.
wont buckle.
wont submit.
wont regret.
wont fall down.
CANT LOSE!

constant work in progress.

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 16:36:52 GMT

i know at the end of the day
you'll still be there.
i know that when my world crashes
you'll still be there.

nothing can keep us apart.
and i plan to keep it that way.

family-
mikey
mike p
brandon

stay true in the things you believe.
and i believe in them.
and i know you'll still be there in the end.
to believe in me.

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 16:36:30 GMT

pack our bags and go to town.
and swamp the streets with angst.
cuz no one is ready for whats in store
we're coming for you and more.

no helmets or bayonets can make me faulter.
we will keep pushing forward with arms extended
we bring the revolution and its for the best.
HOLD YOUR GROUND!
and dont let go!
HOLD YOUR GROUND!
we come for you alone!
HOLD YOUR GROUND!
ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE!

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 15:01:37 GMT

yet another badass practice yesterday.
another badass night yesterday.
but sadly it has to end...with a double at work.
ugh.

HYG

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 21:57:33 GMT

amen to this band of brothers.
everything is going so right.
im living it up.
i wish i kept some friends from ASOL, but it doesnt look like thats gonna get any better.
but im looking to better days and a better life.
no matter what.